Message Series – Love Gifts: What Matters Most – Part 3 – Communicate?

Sermon Series:  Love Gifts: What Matters Most – Part 3

 Message Aim:  How do you love with your words?

 Sermon Title:    “Communicate?”

 Scripture:   James 3:1-12

3 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. ² We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they sayis perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

³ When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. ⁴ Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. ⁵ Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶ The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

⁷ All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, ⁸ but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

⁹ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. ¹¹ Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? ¹² My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Synopsis:

For the last two weeks we have been talking about what matters most in healthy relationships.  The first week we talked about “true love.”  Last week we talked about “understanding each other.”  Today …we want to continue this series and talk about “communication.”  We’re going to be talking about how do you love with your words?  James 3:2 says “All of us often make mistakes. But if a person never makes a mistake in what he says, he is perfect.”  So I will confess I’m not perfect.  I will confess that I often make mistakes and when it comes to my words I often say stupid things.  Anybody want to join me in that confession?

Too often after a couple has been together for some time they confess …, “We don’t communicate anymore.” Why is that?  A study on communication revealed that only 7% of communication is verbal; 55% body language & facial expression; and 38% tone of the voice. Which means, it’s not so much what you say but how you say it.

Before you can communicate with words a person you speak to needs to know that:

• You respect them as a person (valve their ideas and feelings)
• That they have a right to express their ideas (and you want to hear them)
• That they are worthy of being listened to (and you are interested in them)

 Listening is an art.  There’s a saying, “It is no accident that God gave us two ears and one mouth …so we could listen twice as much as we talk.” Would you rather listen or talk?  James explains how important our words are.  He says, “My mouth, my words, they direct where I go.”  The picture James gave us is the picture of a rudder on a ship.  You see a small ruder guides a big ship.  Our mouth, our words, our conversation is like the rudder to our lives.

(1) Before you can communicate with words a person needs to know that you valve their ideas and feelings.

Often we feel that we know more what another person needs than they themselves. So when someone begins to tell us about their problems, we want to make them feel better …and we begin to tell them what to do to feel better. We listen long enough to assess the situation and then proceed to “fix the problem.”  But if you haven’t heard the words “help me” then just listen and give compassion and understanding.

 IT TAKES A LOT OF ENERGY JUST TO BE THERE FOR A PERSON

(2) Before you can communicate with words a person needs to know that you want to talk with them and to hear them.

We often want to make a person feel better when they share their stories with us. The problem is we want to make the pain go away …(like we do with our children). If they are sitting in time out we can remove the situation and they feel better. If they want a toy or a snack, we can give it to them and the distress is removed. But as adults, we can’t make the pain go away.

We can just be there and want to be there for them. SHE WANTS YOUR SHOULDER NOT YOUR MONTH.

(3) Before you can communicate with words a person needs to know that you think they are worthy of being listening to.

Communication problems are not caused by the differences between men/women…but caused by lack of understanding of the differences …or lack of appreciation for the differences.  Men use conversation as a means to an end. While dating a man has no problem talking because he has a goal in mind. While dating a man wants a woman to find him desirable, so he wants to be charming and pays a great a great deal of attention to what she is saying and he wants to discover what her needs are so he can fulfill them. Thus he has a woman who finds him irresistible. But once he’s got her …he stops talking because in his mind there’s less need to talk as there was in the beginning. A typical couple spend 20 minutes a week talking together …that’s 3 minutes a day.

For communication to happen, one must first feel special, accepted, loved and appreciated.