Sermon Series: Love Gifts: What Matters Most – Part 2
Message Aim: How to understanding each other, the way men and women see things differently.
Sermon Title: “Understand Me!”
Scripture: Matthew 6:10-15 (NIV)
10 your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us today our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Synopsis:
Last week we talked about what matters most in healthy relationships: Talked about “true love,” talked about how to develop a kind of love. Today …we want to continue this series and talk about “understanding each other.”
Women often say, “What does a man want?” Men say, “What’s a woman looking for in a man?” Women are different from men …duh! Men (most notably) are left brain — women are (most notably) are right brain. Man decides because in his head it makes sense (he think it is right). Woman decides because in her heart it feels right (she senses it right). One is not right or wrong – better or worse, just different.
This difference can enhance your relationship …or it can cause severe conflict. It all depends on how much you understand this difference. How many of you have differences or conflict with someone else? The Bible is very blunt about this. The Bible says conflict is caused by selfishness. James 4:1 “Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from selfish desires that war within you.” I want what I want. I am basically a selfish person. I think of me before I think of anybody else. And you do too. I want what I want and you want what you want and when those competing desires collide that’s called conflict.
Every relationship have differences. If you don’t know how to deal with it, how to manage it, you can kill your relationship. Growing up, you learned one of five ways to deal with differences or conflict:
Some of you are “My way” resolvers. “My way” means I fight till I win and you give in. I’m going to get my way. I am totally right. You are totally wrong.
Others of you are “No way” people. That is “There’s No Way you’re getting me into a fight.” I back away from all conflict. My rule is, Avoid conflict at all costs.
The third way is “Your way”. Some of you are Your Way resolvers. That means I always give in. I always give in to you, I want your approval so badly that I roll over and play dead.
Fourth is “Half Way”. That’s where we compromise. We win some and we lose some. I give in sometimes, you give in sometimes.
Better way is “Our Way”. Our way is when we work out mutual goals together, where we care about the relationship more than any single issue. We value our differences and our relationship more than the things we tend to fight over.
Some of you are frustrated. You feel stuck in your relationship because you have argued about certain issues over and over in your relationship over the years and there has been no resolution. You don’t know what to do. I am here to tell you what to do. What God says to do.
In the Bible in the book of 1 Corinthians 14:1 God says this, “Let love be your greatest aim.” Not status, not success, not possessions, or power or privilege or prestige, not comfort, not money. God says you should make as the number one life style love. Why does he say that? Because God is love and he wants you to be like him. To learn how to love is to understand God and that men and women are different.
To learn how to love the Bible teaches us is that love is a choice and a commitment. You choose to love or you choose not to love. It is a choice. Women want you to prove your love in some tangible way. Love has to be demonstrated in some way. Did you know people will often give more attention to their pets than they do to their spouse? A woman needs romantic gifts to prove your love… A gift says you are worthwhile.
The secret of overcoming conflict is understanding where people are coming from. Listen more than you talk. We don’t even stop to listen to what the other person is saying or even consider what they’re saying from their point of view. God has wired us differently. We see life differently. It’s not a matter of right or wrong. It’s a matter simply of perspective.
Love is more than attraction. But love is not just emotion. In the first place in the Bible, over and over, we are commanded by God to love each other. But can you command an emotion. Love is something you do. It produces emotion but it is also an action. In fact, the Bible says this in 1 John 3:18 “Let us love not with words or tongue [in other words, just talk about it] but with action and in truth.” Actually, acting in love when you don’t feel it is the highest form of love. It’s easy to love somebody who loves you. But real love acts and does the loving thing when they don’t deserve it, when they don’t respond or when you don’t feel it.
We all want to matter in a good way …or to be fulfilled as important in some good way. To give love …and to be loved are the most precious gifts life has to offer. I don’t know about you but I want to be more loving. There are a lot of areas that I need to work on in my life. One day I’m going to stand before God and he’s going to say, “Did you do the two things that were most important of all. Did you learn to love me with all your heart? And did you learn to love other people?” I want to be ready for that day. I want to be able to say …I listened to your voice …and I learned… and I loved!
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